Archive for March 12, 2013

In the years of my counseling experience, I have met a lot of people both young and not so old who are in a conundrum when they are about embark away from a relationship. In other words, they broke up with their boyfriends or girlfriends. Usually when the break up is still fresh you’d think of how you are to move on. I know that this is hard for some as this would mean that you have to change your usual day. You may expect that you will no longer receive sweet text messages or affectionate calls affirming that somebody cares for you that day.

And because you rush to forget the pain you are feeling, you think of ways how you can move on. Some resort to disparaging methods like entertaining a new relationship. You do not only make that person a rebound but you will also hurt a heart that when hurt because of your doing, may give up its faith towards love. Others drown themselves into alcohol or harmful substances as if it will really erase the memories stored in their minds. The list can go endless. Very sad.

But I want you all to comprehend that if you are in a similar situation, none of these things will help you. Always remember that every break-up is a change. Every change is painful. But that invites a new beginning to get all the love back to yourself and become a better person. It is such an unhappy sight to witness people who have become miserable after a break-up when what they should do is to enhance their selves.

But the point really is this, the pursuit to move on will just end up as a wasted feat if you will not learn to let go.

This is where you will get into trouble. You confuse that letting go and moving on is just the same when you have to treat them differently. You can try all your best to move on but the truth is, deep inside you have not really learned to let go. When you do this, you will only drag past pain and hurts that subconsciously influence how you behave in your next relationship. So do not wonder why the same thing happens all over again. It looks as if an elaborate pattern, you can predictably expect it next time.

The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward. Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself. 

You have to accept the fact that our individual lives are beautiful pieces of novelistic story. There are some characters in it that will no longer be present in the next chapter. If somebody hurts you in this present chapter, that doesn’t mean they are all bad. They just don’t belong in your future anymore. They’re part of your past but not in your destiny. So to make things easy – let go and then move on. No bitterness. No resentments. That is just how it is.

Let go of your past for it will never be in your future.

Let go of X so you can welcome Y.

Let go of your victim feelings as that will only give power to your past to hurt you without knowing it.

Let go of your frustrations and disappointments because it will never help you reach your goals.

Let go of your self-imposed guilt for you don’t have right to pass verdict upon yourself.

Move on because you will make yourself stronger. Quit dragging your past like useless payloads. Your future doesn’t need that. Your future waits with a brand new start. Let go before you move on and things will be much easier to accept.