Two months ago, I wrote an article describing how you can move on from a break-up. If you have read it, you might have realized that the reason why a lot of people are still hurting is the very thing that they keep on holding on.
I am talking about the need to “Let Go” before finally taking the step to “Move On.”
A few days ago, I read a question re-tweeted on twitter lamenting, “Why is it hard to let go?” I have then thought of the question and wish to answer it in a simple mnemonic kind of way.
Let me introduce you to C.L.A.M.
C is for “closure”. Any decision of moving on from practically anything painful; a broken relationship, death of a loved one, failure of business, unhealthy marriage and what have you must begin with having a good closure.
In establishing closure, crying is never a sign of weakness. You need it. The water of your tears will wipe away the clouded image in front of you. Remember, when a relationship starts to break and finally crumbles down, that is a death of something you hold beautiful in your heart. You mourn it. You shed tears.
A good closure is decision from your part not base on anger but based upon the strong foundation of your love for yourself. If you are holding a burning pot, naturally you draw your hands away from it. Holding it for a long period of time will cause serious damage to yourself. In the same manner, when a relationship is no longer contributing to your well-being but just pain, then it is time to decide to close it.
“Letting go” I say is one of the most difficult steps in moving on. It is in this step where you are baffled with dilemma. You have made a decision to have closure in order to move on, yet on the other side of the coin, you are still having hope that you could change the person that’s causing you pain. That everything will be restored. That you can just both forget what terrible thing has just happened and start over again.
The best virtue that you can exercise here is the virtue of forgiveness. You need to forgive not because somebody needs it but because you will do more favor for yourself than to the person who hurt you. Afterall, you have loved this person. And he or she is now part of your beautiful past.
Although there are relationships that experiences a good turn-around. Still a handful of those that needs to have an overhaul; and letting go are one of it.
A lot say that “acceptance” is difficult to do. But I say that this will only be difficult if you bypass the two important steps above. If you have followed the first two steps then acceptance will just follow naturally. Seamless. Smooth. And Easy.
Still many others fake acceptance.
You will know when you have fully accepted things when you know you are free from bitterness and resentments. You should not wallow over a bad break-up longer. Acceptance should make you a better person. Not better than anyone but better than you used to be.
This is the final step. Move on. You have already done what you need to do. Now go and celebrate a new kind of freedom. Freedom from the lingering thoughts at night of how you were betrayed, bruised and wounded.
Celebrate your singlehood.
Enjoy your life.
Do things you have not done.
And love around those who you ignored when you were with your ex.
It doesn’t need any difficult step at all. Just move on.