One afternoon, I got a text from a friend asking me “Why do people change?” I smiled and thought about it for a while and began answering his questions.

First and foremost, any person who wholeheartedly asks that question is someone who is experiencing loneliness and deep emotional isolation. He felt being left alone by someone he is very much closed with for such a long period of time. This includes the likes of a very close brother or sister, parents, and even bestfriends.

Secondly, you have to realize that change is necessary. That is part of our social evolution. Whether for good or bad, no matter how uncomfortable, anyone must go through change because change means growth.

But I think this is not the best question to ask.

The right question is, “What makes people change?”

There are a number of reasons why people change. Pain brought by betrayal, mistrust, guilt, abuse is the one big reason that propels someone’s innocent heart to change. It initiate change quickly more than anything else. As Chuck Palahniuk puts it, “It’s so hard to forget the pain, but it’s even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace.”

A secret you withheld could also make people change. That is why it is very necessary to be honest from the start of a budding relationship, whether romantic or friendly connection. That doesn’t mean they are bad people for changing, your confession just comes to them in a way that did they not expect and they are not yet ready to accept. It is just too much at a certain point of time to take all in because an unwelcome confession is painful in the beginning. They are hurt and they are saddened. Because every person develops a good expectation about you as you have initially projected. But if the person truly loves you, they will always strive hard to understand and they will always find a way to accept your confession lovingly. Offering you acceptance without having to hold your confession against you; but rather seeing it as part of your experience and growth.

Pain is God’s megaphone to rouse a deaf world. You cannot numb pain for a while because when you do it worsens when you finally free it. There are wounds that never show in the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.

As we sit down and learn to understand our pain, we turn our wounds into wisdom. We grow into a more mature person capable of carrying out wise decisions. We become light to the lost, counseling them by the eyeglasses of our pain. We become more sensitive to others. And as we do this, we rise again from the ashes as a beautiful person we that we truly are.


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