Posts Tagged ‘relationship’

Before you run vitriolic with the title, let me just make a few disclaimers. People don’t become dumb by deciding to be in a relationship but not knowing the obvious and what to do about it is what makes them dumb. Hurts done to you with clear motivation to do it intentionally do not qualify to this.

Here we go.

I am not merely talking about your romantic relationship; of course, it also includes your social relationship with your parents, brother’s and sisters, friends, co-workers and even your neighbors.

How could being dumb be the reason why people get hurt?

Let me explain through this simple analogy.

If you have a very beautiful house with a verdant lawn and a dog comes in and poop, you don’t get mad at the dog; you have to be mad at yourself because you are so dumb knowing you have a beautiful house and yet you did not put up a fence.

In other words, you expose yourself to hurts by not setting-up boundaries. Boundaries are very important because it helps you and your involved relationship draw the line between what you can do to them and what they cannot do to you. Boundaries should be set before you begin to establish a relationship.

By doing this, you save yourself from a lot of heartaches, frustrations and disappointments. True enough, this is the reason why many people suffer from Pisanthrophobia (fear of trusting people due to past experiences with relationships gone bad) that could steal away their joy long before they get to feel it.

Your self and life is likened to that house. You need to choose people who can enter your perimeter fence, the visitors you can sit with in your living room, the friends who can eat with you in your dining room and the love ones who can sleep in the bedroom with you.

Each rooms represents just up to where you can open yourself because if you recklessly open yourself to the world, negative people could always find a flaw that they could use against you.

My deep appeal is…be wise – SET BOUNDARIES. 

Never create a storm and get angry when it rains. So if you tell your husband, wife or partner, neighbors, co-workers and friends today the things you like and you don’t like – do it. It helps them avoid doing you unintentional hurt. 

 

One time, as I was drooling over my twitter timeline, I noticed one particular twitter user inexorably tweeting for days that she is single. It does feel like she is advertising to the world that she’s a product ready for grab from the shopping shelves. And she may not be alone. Countless, if not all Facebook users in their teens and twenties have posted the same status. Some are proud and yet some are longing to have their crushes notice it to eventually court them. Yes I know! That’s one silly idea.

If you’re single and frantically wanting to be in a relationship, I have noted 10 reasons why you ought to be happy for being one.

  1. It is a Gift. Being single is a gift. It is an opportunity to align your goals and put it in a priority without carrying an emotional baggage that which your partner. Your partner can throw in vitriolic tantrums difficult to comprehend and being single can free you up that drama.
  2. More quality time with yourself. If you love yourself and you value “self-time”, you are free to choose and embark for a sabbatical break far from your daily stressors. Spend a weekend somewhere and indulge into good books and great foods alone. Never disregard this. Trust me! You will wish for this when you’re already in a relationship. Kids, domestic chores, and even your husband/wife can keep you locked inside your house voluntarily or involuntarily.
  3. You become a relationship expert. Your friends would always see you as the greatest philosopher to have ever walked on earth. You join the ranks of Confucius, Plato or Lao Tzu as you always have the best relationship advice. What really happens is that, your mind is not clouded with a spectacle of emotions so your advice always leans on the footing of logic and morality. So next time your friends come to seek for your advice, then you’re probably single.
  4. More Savings. If you are a guy, here’s the painful truth; you are bleeding money to your high-maintenance girlfriend profusely. Now you have more money to buy your groceries more than ever because you are not spending big chunk of your salary for dates and gifts. Savings! What could be more productive than that?
  5. You know which guy to avoid. If you are a girl or “feeling girl” you have more time to figure out the best quality upon which you qualify a boyfriend. This is not hard to do. Often, you just need to look at the failed relationships of your friends and avoid guys resembling the same characters that had become the cause of their heartaches.
  6. Flirt galore. You will find it easy to flirt without feeling guilty about it. You can dance your soul out in a bar and not worry about anyone secretly sneaking and observing your every move. Here’s the winning motto of the adventurous singles, “I can kiss and hug but dare not fall in love with me.”
  7. More liberty. You can plan your career and go right ahead without having to consult your partner. If you need to move to another location, you can just pack your luggage immediately and leave. In other words, you can enjoy autonomy in every decision.
  8. Great mental health. You don’t suffer relentless anxiety every time you learn boyfie or girlfie is on a company team building activity at a secluded resort or partying at night without you. This anxiety attack could lead to paranoia especially if boyfie or girlfie intentionally kept his/her whereabouts from you.
  9. You sin less. You commit less sin by having a peaceful mind and healthy thoughts as a positive result of not having a boyfriend or girlfriend showing signs of infidelity. And because you are single and do not need to put up with your partners flagitious behavior, you don’t plot murder or become homicidal.
  10. You can be more productive. You can direct more time and focus towards any activity that will bring you closer to the fulfillment of your dream. This includes your job and future ventures that normally require a lot of your energy. Use this time to advance your career so you can be independent financially and professionally when the right relationship comes along.

Being single means less responsibility to others but more responsibility to yourself. As you look and wait for the perfect partner, use this window of time to become more admirable, lovable and companionable. You don’t want to catch yourself one day saying, “He is the perfect guy/gal but I am not yet ready for a relationship.”

If not now, when?

Love does not appear in a space and time continuum having a designated timeframe. If it happens, it happens, regardless if you are ready or not. Life is short, one way or another you will always yearn for a partner in life.

Prepare for a mardi grass in your “in a relationship” status someday BUT FOR NOW party for your “single” status.

Love yourself today, so you can love more tomorrow.

 

photo credit: google

photo credit: google

The strongest action that you can take in any situation is to go to your knees and ask God for help. Whatever is worth worrying about is certainly worth praying about. Prayer unlocks God’s treasure chest of great ideas.

I will share with you one of my favorite prayers. It is one word: help.

“Help, help, help!”

When we pray, we must be simultaneously willing to take action that God directs in answer tour prayer.

There are four levels of prayer:

Level #1 is petition: “Father, I need…”
Level #2 is intercession: “God, help…”
Level #3 is praise and thanksgiving: “Thank you, Lord!”
Level #4 is conversation: “Good morning, Father.”

In Philippians 4:6,7 the apostle Paul counsels us, Do not be anxious about anything but in everything by prayer and petitions, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and your minds in Christ Jesus. In Colossians 4:2 he says, Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful.

Two months ago, I wrote an article describing how you can move on from a break-up. If you have read it, you might have realized that the reason why a lot of people are still hurting is the very thing that they keep on holding on.

I am talking about the need to “Let Go” before finally taking the step to “Move On.”

A few days ago, I read a question re-tweeted on twitter lamenting, “Why is it hard to let go?” I have then thought of the question and wish to answer it in a simple mnemonic kind of way.

Let me introduce you to C.L.A.M.

CLOSURE

C is for “closure”. Any decision of moving on from practically anything painful; a broken relationship, death of a loved one, failure of business, unhealthy marriage and what have you must begin with having a good closure.

In establishing closure, crying is never a sign of weakness. You need it. The water of your tears will wipe away the clouded image in front of you. Remember, when a relationship starts to break and finally crumbles down, that is a death of something you hold beautiful in your heart. You mourn it. You shed tears.

A good closure is decision from your part not base on anger but based upon the strong foundation of your love for yourself. If you are holding a burning pot, naturally you draw your hands away from it. Holding it for a long period of time will cause serious damage to yourself. In the same manner, when a relationship is no longer contributing to your well-being but just pain, then it is time to decide to close it.

LET GO

“Letting go” I say is one of the most difficult steps in moving on. It is in this step where you are baffled with dilemma. You have made a decision to have closure in order to move on, yet on the other side of the coin, you are still having hope that you could change the person that’s causing you pain. That everything will be restored. That you can just both forget what terrible thing has just happened and start over again.

The best virtue that you can exercise here is the virtue of forgiveness. You need to forgive not because somebody needs it but because you will do more favor for yourself than to the person who hurt you. Afterall, you have loved this person. And he or she is now part of your beautiful past.

Although there are relationships that experiences a good turn-around. Still a handful of those that needs to have an overhaul; and letting go are one of it.

ACCEPTANCE

A lot say that “acceptance” is difficult to do. But I say that this will only be difficult if you bypass the two important steps above. If you have followed the first two steps then acceptance will just follow naturally. Seamless. Smooth. And Easy.

Still many others fake acceptance.

You will know when you have fully accepted things when you know you are free from bitterness and resentments. You should not wallow over a bad break-up longer. Acceptance should make you a better person. Not better than anyone but better than you used to be.

MOVE ON

This is the final step. Move on. You have already done what you need to do. Now go and celebrate a new kind of freedom. Freedom from the lingering thoughts at night of how you were betrayed, bruised and wounded.

Celebrate your singlehood.

Have fun.

Enjoy your life.

Do things you have not done.

Love yourself.

And love around those who you ignored when you were with your ex.

It doesn’t need any difficult step at all. Just move on.